Being Sarcastic

• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• You!... Off my planet!
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & realize you haven't fallen asleep
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
• I plead contemporary insanity.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.
• You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
• Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
• At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.