Lost Productive Time

Your Company
1 Bad Place
Nowhere, USA

To All Employees:

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. 

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,

Accounting.

Attached: Extended Job Code List

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Code	Explanation
5316	Useless meeting
5317	Obstructing communications at meeting
5318	Trying to sound knowledgeable while in meeting
5319	Waiting for break
5320	Waiting for lunch
5321	Waiting for end of day
5322	Vicious verbal attacks directed at coworker
5323	Vicious verbal attacks directed at coworker while coworker is not present
5393	Covering for incompetence of coworker friend
5394	Blaming incompetence of coworker who is not a friend
5400	Trying to explain concept to coworker who is not interested in learning
5401	Trying to explain concept to coworker who is stupid
5402	Trying to explain concept to coworker who hates you
5403	Explaining concept to clueless management
5481	Buying snack
5482	Eating snack
5500	Filling out timesheet
5501	Inventing timesheet entries
5502	Waiting for something to happen
5503	Scratching yourself
5504	Sleeping
5505	Pointless filler work
5506	Initialing checklist of pointless filler work
5510	Feeling bored
5600	Complaining about lousy job
5601	Complaining about low pay
5602	Complaining about long hours
5603	Complaining about coworker (see codes #5322 & #5323)
5604	Complaining about boss
5605	Complaining about personal problems
5640	Miscellaneous unproductive complaining
5701	Not actually present at job
5702	Suffering from eight-hour flu
6102	Ordering out
6103	Waiting for food delivery to arrive
6104	Taking it easy while digesting food
6150	Using company resources for personal profit
6200	Talking with neighbor on phone
6201	Talking with police on the phone
6202	Making excuses after accidentally destroying company files
6203	Using company phone to make long-distance personal calls
6204	Using company phone to make long-distance personal calls to sell stolen company goods
6205	Hiding from boss
6206	Gossip
6207	Planning a social event (e.g. Vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210	Feeling sorry for yourself
6211	Updating resume
6212	Faxing resume to another employer/headhunter
6213	Out of office on interview
6221	Pretending to work while boss is watching
6222	Pretending to enjoy your job
6223	Pretending you like coworker
6224	Pretending you like important people when in reality they are jerks
6238	Miscellaneous unproductive fantasizing
6350	Playing pranks on the new guy/girl
6601	Running your own business on company time (see code #6603)
6602	Complaining
6603	Writing a book on company time
6611	Staring into space
6612	Staring at computer screen
6615	Transcendental meditation
7281	Extended visit to the bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400	Talking with your/spouse's divorce lawyer on phone
7401	Talking with plumber on phone
7402	Talking with dentist on phone
7403	Talking with doctor on phone
7404	Talking with masseuse on phone
7405	Talking with house painter on phone
7406	Talking with personal therapist on phone