Geography Exam

These are supposedly answers to grade school and high school geography exams. Whether that's true or not, they are plenty funny!

• Climate is caused by the emotion of the earth around the sun.
• The people of Japan ride around in jig-saws.
• The plains of Siberia are roamed over by the lynx and the larynx.
• Lindberg is the capital of Germany.
• The chief animals of Australia are the kangaroo, larkspur, boomerang, and peccadillo.
• The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called Mummies.
• Don Juan is a town in the West Indies.
• Germany is an industrial country because the poor have nothing else to do, so they make lots and lots of factories.
• Where is Alaska? Alaska is not in Canada.
• Spain's national music is the cascarets.
• What people live in the Po Valley? Po people.
• In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal.
• In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas.
• The Alimentary Canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
• Georgia was founded by people who had been executed.
• When we cross the Hudson River we come to the United States.
• Where is the greater part of Europe? In New York.
• The principal export of Sweden is hired girls.
• The Indian squabs carry porpoises on their backs.
• Among the enduring remains of Egyptian civilization are pyramids and obsequies.
• The writing of ancient Egypt was called hydraulics.
• Rome had a fine defensive position, being seven miles from the mouth of the Tiger.
• The seaport of Athens is Pyorrhea.
• The Greeks wore scandals on their feet.
• In what general direction to the rivers of France flow? From the source to the mouth.
• The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
• Manhattan island was bought from the Indians for about $24, and now I don't suppose you could buy it for $500.
• The United States are mostly populated by people.
• The State of Virginia was named for the Virgin Mary, who afterward married Captain John Smith.
• What is the sound west of the State of Washington? The sound of the ocean.
• Canadians raise boll weevils for their wool.
• Where is Cincinnati? First place in the National League.
• Floods from the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river.
• Denver is just below the 'o' in Colorado.
• They don't raise anything in Kansas but Alpaca grass, and they have to irritate that to make it grow.
• The benefit of latitude and longitude is that when a man is drowning he can call out what latitude and longitude he is and we can find him.
• Virginia is the mother of President Wilson and is also noted for her hysterical sights.
• The chief products of the Hawaiian Islands is rainfall.
• Philistines were inhabitants of the Philippine Islands.
• The original tribes of Central America were the Axtecs, the Celts, and the Morons.
• New Zealand is a democratic country. they passed a law there preventing women from sweating in the factories.
• Malays are brown generally and inhabit Malaria.
• The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
• The Kaffirs of Africa are a very savage race. In times of war they beat their tum-tums and can be heard for miles around.
• The American Indians travel in birchbark canoes on little streams of water that they make themselves.
• The state flower of Colorado is the concubine.
• The soil of Prussia was so poor that the people had to work hard just to stay on top.
• The Mason line is the line running north of the Equator and the Dixon line is south.
• In the west, farming is done mostly by irritating the land.
• Oceania is a continent that contains no land.
• There is a great deal of nothing in the center of Australia.
• Asked to name six animals peculiar to Arctic regions, a boy replied, "Three bears and three seals."
• Climate lasts all the time, but weather lasts only a few days.
• Latitude tells how hot you are and longitude tells how cold you are.
• The Menai Straits are crossed by a tubercular bridge.
• Sienna is famous for being burnt.
• The climate of Bombay is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
• The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west.
• The trade of Spain is small, owing to the insolence of the people.
• The Eskimos are God's frozen people.
• The sun sets in the west and hurries around to the east to be in time to rise the next morning.
• Name three animals peculiar to frigid regions. The lion and the giraffe and the elephant are peculiar to frigid regions, but the polar bear and the seal and the walrus live there.
• People go to Africa to hunt rhinostriches.
• Glaciers spread a murrain over the land.
• The highest peak in the Alps is the Blanc Mange.
• The Equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth and through Africa.
• Imports are ports very far inland.
• Nearly at the bottom of Lake Michigan is Chicago.
• The chief occupation of Perth is Dying.
• The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.
• The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
• A mountain range is a cooking stove used at high altitudes.
• An Indian Reservation consists of a mile of land for every five square Indians.
• The only signs of life in the Tundra are a few stunned corpses.
• Among the islands of the West Indies are the Pyjamas, noted for their toilet sponges.
• Lipton is the capital of Ceylon.
• The population of London is a bit too thick.
• Persian cats is the chief industry of Persia, hence the word purr.
• The Mediterranean and the Red Seas are connected by the Sewage Canal.
• New York is behind Greenwich time because America was not discovered until very much later.
• Henry VIII had an abyss on his knee which made walking difficult.
• Certain areas of Egypt are cultivated by irritation.
• Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British Governor lives there.
• A watershed is a shed in the middle of the ocean where ships shelter during a storm.

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