Questions That Haunt Me

• If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or
  shoplifting?
• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered
  assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’... But it’s only a ‘penny for
  your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
  in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
  good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like
  every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
  to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
  They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
  crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
  can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
  They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he
  just buy dinner?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
  what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you,
  but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
  getting dead?
• Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is
  not enough money?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
  check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
  revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
• If people evolved from apes,
  Why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
  always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses
  Are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
  something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
  cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
  the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
  cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it
  isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch
  where you’re going?’
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off
  the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
  we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
• And my FAVORITE......
  The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering
  from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if
  they’re okay, then it’s you.