Famous Wife Quotes

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There was water in the carburetor'. I asked her,'Where's the car?'She replied, 'In the lake.'
Henny Youngman
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.'
The husband replied,'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' The father replied, 'I don't know son, I' m still paying.'
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted.'

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same:'You can have mine.'
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A woman was telling her friend, 'I made my husband a millionaire.'

'And what was he before you married him?' asked the friend. 'A billionaire.' she replied.
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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,'Dad! I've found a woman just like mother' His father replied,'So what do you want? sympathy?'
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
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How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
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First guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'

Second guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'