"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me."
--Bobcat Goldthwait
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money."
--Kevin Meaney
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' "
--Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
--Elayne Boosler
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
--John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
--Steven Wright
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
--Winston Spear
--Bobcat Goldthwait
"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money."
--Kevin Meaney
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' "
--Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
--Elayne Boosler
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
--John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
--Steven Wright
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
--Winston Spear
Every weekend i used to pay a quick visit this web page, for
ReplyDeletethe reason that i wish for enjoyment, for the reason that this this
web site conations genuinely fastidious funny stuff too.
I do accept as true with all of the concepts you have introduced
ReplyDeletein your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work.
Still, the posts are very short for novices. May
you please lengthen them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post.
Every weekend i used to go to see this site, for
ReplyDeletethe reason that i wish for enjoyment, as this this site conations truly nice funny information too.
Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out
ReplyDeletea lot. I'm hoping to present something again and help others like you aided me.
A person necessarily assist to make significantly
ReplyDeletearticles I'd state. That is the first time I frequented your web page and so far?
I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual publish amazing.
Great task!